What may seem good and honest to some may well be bad and dishonest to others. What is beautiful to some is disgusting to others. What is kind and considerate to some may well be unkind and rude or inconsiderate to others. So let us ask you this: who’s the one with the problem? Some might say that it’s the people who are having the negative thoughts that are the ones with the problem. On the other hand, it’s perfectly reasonable to think negative thoughts, so it must be the positive lot with the problem. So which is it?

Our take is this; they all have a problem. Yes!

As soon as we dislike anything or anyone, somewhere inside we’ve created some stress. Now this might be a good thing because it reminds us that we don’t like whatever it is. Also, any negative thoughts and feelings they experience will create internal stress (which can be measured by the way) and be bad for their health. So for them, it’s clearly wrong as it’s harming their health. Not only that, but they’re going to experience conflict whenever they come across people who have opposing views. Double whammy!

Now, what about the people who like and love stuff? It’s probable that they love or like whatever because it has a quality (a value, moral, behaviour, belief etc) that they need/want/like/desire and it makes them feel good. This shows that the person has an emptiness of this quality. Why emptiness? Well, because it’s only when they receive or experience this thing do they feel good. So it follows that without it they do not feel as good, i.e. they feel bad or empty. They know it makes them feel good so they seek it out and when they have it they feel brilliant.

Here’s an example. How about someone who loves their best friend? Let’s say we asked them “What is it about your best friend that you love?” and they reply “Oh they are so stable and grounded”. Well that person loves their friend’s quality of being stable and grounded because they don’t feel stable and grounded themselves. They will need this person’s stability to feel good and stop them feeling bad.

I loved the quality of the large house I used to live in. All the space gave me a sense of freedom. But I needed it because I didn’t feel free; I felt trapped and that’s what I needed to heal. The other person didn’t feel stable; instead they probably felt unstable and ungrounded. But in order to avoid being dependent or needy of their stable friend, they would need to heal that lack.

If someone or something makes your feel good or bad is a sign that something needs to be healed. It’s a personal decision as to whether you act on it or ignore and bury it. But. Be warned.  Burying thoughts and emotions inside is not sustainable; at some point they’re going to want to come out. And if it’s not you that lets them out, they will come out on their own, probably via illness and dis-ease. But until they do, they’ll contribute to your stress levels. Yes, even the good thoughts.

Now, you’re probably wondering what we mean by “heal”. Well, to be more specific, we mean create neutrality. Neutrality is when you have neutral feelings about something. You neither LOVE it or HATE it. Instead, you’re able to love it when you fancy, or hate it when you fancy i.e. you have choice. Think about conflict. If you hate conflict, you’ll avoid it at all costs. But sometimes it might be useful and if you’re neutral about it, you’ll be OK with conflict when the situation demands it, but equally back off from it, when you feel it’s not appropriate. Some people just have an ON or OFF switch and can’t flick between the two. Neutrality gives you that freedom. Does that make sense?

You might think that neutrality seems a bit harsh as we have survival mechanisms to protect ourselves and loved ones. After all, if we didn’t have these big emotional plusses and minuses (polarities) then would we just watch people dying or being hurt and not act on it? Would this be right or wrong? Should we judge or criticise this or just say it is what it is and keep smiling?

It’s possible that if we all lived in total neutrality we wouldn’t be harming others or ourselves, and the world would be a more peaceful place. But for now we can concentrate a bit more on creating neutrality in our day-to-day lives and work on the daily gripes and moans that contribute to our head trash.

So, back to you; Have you got a problem that needs healing? Are there areas in your life where you’d like a bit of neutrality? If there are things that you’d like neutralise then you could do a lot worse than start working on them using our “clear your head trash” guide on our homepage. Just pick the thing that your problem, say “being unstable” or “conflict” and away you go!